


Bridge Railing

by chenziee



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, but not really, it's not nearly as bad as it sounds, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 15:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15076121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chenziee/pseuds/chenziee
Summary: Eren didn’t know how long he had been sitting on the cold, hard stone of the bridge railing. But then...“So are you going to jump or just sit just there like an idiot until your ass becomes one with the stone?”





	Bridge Railing

Eren didn’t know how long he had been sitting on the cold, hard stone of the bridge railing. With how long the days were getting lately, it could very well already be long past dinner by then. Not that he cared either way, it wasn’t like anyone was waiting. Mikasa was used to him staying out late without notice and she was probably out with Jean or her friends anyway.

Having fun, without him.

Eren didn’t blame her, he just... envied her. He wished he could go out with friends; wished he _had_ friends. Instead, he was sitting alone on top of a bridge, staring at the water below without moving for what was possibly hours, apparently invisible to everyone passing by. And that was how he liked it, hated the idea of anyone approaching him and trying to talk him out of suicide. Or maybe that was precisely what he wanted. Wanted attention, wanted _some_ kind of contact, although just the idea of someone coming close, or worse, talking to him, made his skin crawl. And yet, he knew that was exactly what he wanted. Even though he knew he would just glare and snap at anyone who tried.

It was funny, actually, how contradictory his needs always seemed. He wanted attention yet needed to be left alone. Wanted friends yet refused to talk to anyone and chased everyone who tried to approach him away. Wanted a boyfriend yet felt sick just imagining having to keep some guy company when cutting himself off from the world was the only thing he wanted on some days. Wanted to be ‘normal’ yet hated not feeling ‘special’.

A humourless chuckle escaped him at the thought. ‘ _Special_.’ Yeah, right. He was so fucking ridiculous. He hated how his mind worked sometimes. Hated the circles he so loved running in, hated holding on to his depression and anxiety like it was the one thing that defined him. Hated he felt like there was nothing to him beside his problems.

He hated _himself_.

And he hated he was still like this even after being on meds for two and half years and going to therapy once a week for almost as long.

“So are you going to jump or just sit just there like an idiot until your ass becomes one with the stone?”

Eren blinked a few times before tearing his eyes away from the cold waters under his feet to slowly turn to the side to look at the owner of the almost bored voice. The man was lazily leaning onto the railing to his left, staring back at him impassively as if he didn’t really care what Eren’s answer would be.

Eren didn’t know what to say, the question catching him off guard with how casual it was. So he only looked at the stranger blankly, taking in his flat expression, his grey eyes that were watching Eren carefully, giving him the man’s full attention and betraying his uncaring demeanour. Eren absentmindedly noted he was wearing a well fitted, obviously expensive suit which he was probably ruining by rubbing it against the rough, dirty stone of the bridge railing.

When Eren still didn’t reply after a while, the man prompted, raising an eyebrow. “Well?”

Eren couldn’t help it then. He laughed, almost hysterical but honestly amused – maybe even relieved. The guy was so blunt, his words so insensitive, yet somehow, it sounded so much more genuine with far more actual concern than the generic, “Don’t kill yourself! You’re still so young, your whole life is still ahead of you! Everything will get better, I promise!” that people loved to spout whenever in such a situation.

Eren noticed a look of slight confusion cross the man’s face before he schooled his expression back to neutral. Cocking his head to the side, a slight smirk gracing his lips, he spoke up again. “I take that as a ‘no’. Wanna grab some coffee or whatever instead, before someone actually calls the fucking cops on your ass?”

Eren blinked once, twice at him, taken by surprise yet again. The man just continued looking at him impassively, offering Eren a hand to help him jump down on the correct side of the railing.

Searching his eyes for any sign of bullshit yet finding none, Eren finally reached out, grabbing the outstretched hand and sliding off the railing. The hand was warm and surprisingly soft, the grip on Eren’s hand firm like the owner of the hand was afraid to let go. Fleetingly, Eren though he didn’t _want_ him to let go. He didn’t know why. He knew the guy for maybe all of 60 seconds and he might have been attractive in his black undercut and fancy suit – that was obviously hiding some defined muscles – and he might have been the most ridiculously charming person Eren had ever met, but he still didn’t even _know_ him. It was probably the adrenaline rush, Eren reasoned. The guy did make him feel a lot better, made him get off the bridge, with only one simple sentence.

Finally letting go of Eren’s hand after a few seconds of them just staring at each other, seemingly frozen in time, the man nodded his head in the direction of the closer river bank. “Starbucks okay? It’s the closest.”

Eren shrugged, burying his hands in his pockets. “Sure, I don’t mind.”

“Of course you don’t,” the man noted under his breath with a smirk, making Eren frown.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he questioned, jogging a few paces to catch up with the stranger who was already walking away.

The man looked over his shoulder at him, amusement apparent in eyes. “You look exactly like the type to love those shitty, disgustingly sweet syrups and all those ridiculous seasonal drinks.”

Eren blushed. The man was exactly right and he had nothing to defend himself with. “Hey, they’re tasty, okay?”

“ _Sure._ ” The man replied with a chuckle as he continued at a brisk pace towards their destination. Only when they arrived at the entrance a minute later, did he look at Eren again. “Do you mind if we take it back to the river? I hate the shitty crowds inside. Can’t really talk either.”

“Sure, I’m not really a fan of the inside either and the river is calming,” Eren shrugged, seemingly uncaring of the man’s question, however, warmth was spreading inside of his chest. Was the stranger actually concerned if he’d be okay coming back there after he literally just got off the railing there?

The other man visibly relaxed as he let go of a breath he was holding, although his expression didn’t change at all. Nodding in thanks, he gestured towards the few empty chairs outside the coffee shop. “Go sit until I come back. What do you want?”

Eren frowned slightly. “I can get my own drink, it’s okay.”

“I invited you, I will pay for it. Just tell me what you want.”

They glared at each other for a moment, but Eren soon gave up. The man’s gaze was too intense, too practiced for Eren to stand a chance. “Fine. Tall latte with Irish cream. Half the syrup.”

The man huffed out a chuckle, giving Eren a crooked smile. “So not _as_ disgustingly sweet. Good for you.”

“Shut up,” Eren mumbled as he went to sit down in the closest chair, watching the stranger disappear inside. It was funny; he was actually... feeling a little happy. The man was making him feel more at ease than he did in weeks. It didn’t make sense to Eren, they were just some random strangers who accidentally met because Eren was feeling shitty and broody; they haven’t even really talked yet. Eren didn’t understand why he felt like he could trust the guy, why he felt so calm, why he actually felt a smile tug at his mouth just exchanging a few sentences with him.

It didn’t make sense but really, did it _have_ to make sense?

Eren didn’t know. Somehow, he always tried to look for explanations, for reasons to anything and everything, but then again, his therapist repeated to him on a regular basis that not everything had to follow logic. That some things just tended to happen and he should learn to just take them as they were without overanalysing everything. Eren had always had trouble listening to that advice but somehow, today, in this moment, with this man... he felt like he didn’t need a reason.

Allowing himself a small smile, he waited, for once comfortable in the company of only his own thoughts.

The man emerged back out only a few minutes later, two venti cups in his hands. Eren frowned when he handed one of them to him, shooting the man an accusing glare. “I said I wanted a tall...”

“That you did. You were also obviously only being polite so take your goddamn venti and let’s go.”

Eren gaped at him for a moment before he had to scramble to get to his feet to chase after the man once again. For being so much shorter than Eren, he had a ridiculously fast pace. “You didn’t have to do this!” he said with a pout when he finally caught up.

The man only shrugged, taking a slow sip from his own cup. Eren noted how weird it was he was holding the cup from above, by the lid instead of the actual cup. Wasn’t he worried the lid would come off, spilling the contents everywhere? The man waved his hand dismissively, like it really wasn’t such a big deal. “I didn’t have to, but I did. Don’t mention it.”

But to Eren, it was a big deal. Nobody’s ever done anything this casually nice for him. Not even his sister or brother or best friend. It was weird, and Eren didn’t know how to react.

So he only looked down at his cup in wonder, holding it like it was something precious. Then his eyes fell on the writing on the side of the cup and a fresh burst of laughter left his lips. “Did you seriously ask for a coffee for ‘Brat’?” Eren asked between giggles just as they stopped at the bridge railing much closer to the river bank than where Eren was sitting earlier.

The man looked at him like he didn’t understand what was so funny about that. “I didn’t know your name, so brat it was,” he explained before jumping up to sit on the railing with surprising ease.

Eren smiled at the man, a real, tangible fondness already hiding behind it. “It’s Eren. My name,” he elaborated when he made himself comfortable right next to the man.

“Eren,” the man repeated, slowly, carefully, as if the name might break if he said it wrong. “A nice name. I’m Levi.”

“Nice to meet you, Levi,” Eren said, his smile turning a bit shy. “Thank you for the coffee. And for earlier.”

Levi turned to look at him, gazing into Eren’s eyes so intently the boy felt like he was staring right into his soul. “You’re welcome.”

The two of them continued looking at each other until Eren started to feel a bit flustered. Breaking eye contact, his eyes dropping lower and falling on the cup in Levi’s hands. Clearing his throat awkwardly, he gestured towards the cup. “So, what did you get?”

Levi followed his gaze to glance at his cup before shrugging. “Chai tea latte. You should try it once, much better than your shitty coffee.”

Eren hummed, nodding slightly. “Yeah, I know it’s good. I just can’t drink it,” he shrugged, before adding an explanation when his only response was a raised eyebrow. “I ordered it once and it was really tasty but I apparently can’t stomach spicy tea. I felt sick all day after.”

“A pity,” Levi said in the gravest voice, making Eren suppress a snort over how solemn he looked. “But I get it, I’m the same way with coffee. Just can’t stomach it no matter how much milk is in it. My best friend always makes fun of me for it.” There was a hint of bitterness in his last words, but Eren detected no actual venom in there.

“Are they a coffee lover?” Eren asked, curious.

Levi made a face, taking another sip of his tea. “More like a coffee addict. But she just loves teasing everyone for anything.”

“Sounds like a fun friend,” Eren said, a small smile on his lips once more. He felt like he smiled more within the twenty minutes he’d spent with Levi than he had in four months.

“More annoying than fun. She just fought her way into my life and refuses to leave. A fucking resilient leech.”

Eren was beyond amazed by how contradictory Levi’s words and tone were making that statement. He’d never think someone calling someone else annoying and a ‘fucking resilient leech’ could ever sound so... fond. Like it was a pet name instead of an insult. “You love her,” Eren stated matter-of-factly and Levi shot him a look. The man looked disgusted at the mere notion of it but he didn’t say anything to refute it. Eren counted it as his victory.

They fell into a comfortable silence then, slowly drinking their Starbucks and watching the ships sailing on the river, and it was... nice. Almost felt like they knew each other for years instead of a few minutes and Eren was more grateful than he could probably express. So he didn’t even try, just soaked up Levi’s presence like a sponge, enjoyed the serene atmosphere before it came to an inevitable end. Sipped on his coffee much slower than he usually would, hoping to prolong this moment just a little bit.

After a while, he felt Levi’s gaze on him. He ignored it for a moment, postponing what he knew was coming. But finally, he turned to the side to meet Levi’s gaze, surprised to see a slight frown there.

“Were you really going to jump?” Levi asked, not beating around the bush at all, and although Eren didn’t really expect anything else at this point, it still surprised him how direct the man was.

Letting go of a deep breath, Eren’s gaze dropped to his hands that were playing with his cup nervously. “I...” he started after a few seconds, before pausing. Closing his eyes, he tried again. “I actually don’t really know, to be honest.”

He heard Levi move, presumably turning around to sit sideways and giving Eren his full attention. And somehow, just the small gesture made Eren feel safer talking to him than he did with his own family. So he continued, “I mean, it would be easier to do it, easier than having to listen to the shit my brain keeps screaming at me, than all this running around in circles in my head. But I don’t actually want to die, you know?”

Levi hummed at his little rant, like he was contemplating every word Eren had said. “Care to tell me some of the shit your brain is telling you?”

Eren chuckled humourlessly. “Oh you know, the usual. Teenage angst at 25. How nobody likes me, how I just make everyone hate me every time I open my mouth, how I’m useless and terrible at everything. Disappointment. Incapable of human interaction. How I have nothing for me, no talent. No job ready after graduating, no friends, no boyfriend-“ Eren stopped abruptly, closing his eyes tightly. He didn’t mean to spill all that to a complete stranger. Didn’t mean to spill all that to anyone, himself included.

Levi was silent for a second, only the tapping of his finger against the lid of his cup audible before he opened his mouth to speak. “Well, most people are just shitstains anyway. Fake pigs who don’t care about anything but themselves. You’re honestly not missing out on much if you really don’t have friends. But I understand the frustration. I don’t have many friends either; found most of them only after I finished school and I still don’t understand why they insist on staying,” he replied, making Eren look at him.

Blinking at him once, twice, Eren opened his mouth in disbelief. “You’re not going to tell me I’m being stupid and that all will come in due time?”

Levi gave him a look. “Why the fuck would I? It’s bullshit. Just stuff people spout when they don’t know what to say. Fake and doesn’t actually mean shit. And sure, some things do come only later or when you don’t expect them but fuck, that doesn’t mean you can’t feel like shit over not having them when you need them.”

They fell silent after that, Eren needing the time to let Levi’s words sink in and Levi giving it to him without question. It was incredible how a few words from a random stranger could help him so much. And so easily, too. Seriously, even Levi’s first words to him were ridiculous, if Eren was another person, if he was _really_ planning to jump, his words _might_ _have_ been the last push he’d need. But for Eren, in the numb, blank, contemplative state he was in, those were exactly the words he needed to pull him out. The guiding light to show him the way out of the dark, dark cave he was stuck in. The one he himself walked into, naively believing he’d feel better in there, isolated from the word. By the time he had realized he actually felt claustrophobic and painfully lonely in there, it was already too late, the panic blinding him even more, making him incapable of finding an exit on his own.

And Levi’s blunt, stupid, borderline insensitive words came just when he needed to hear them.

“Hey Levi, can I ask you something?”

Levi hummed questioningly, looking back at Eren from where he was watching the ducks fight over the pieces of food people were tossing to them.

“Why did you come talk to me? You know, before?” Eren asked quietly, afraid to look at Levi. Almost afraid to hear the answer. He didn’t want pity, but he was curious. Curious why Levi felt the need to try and help him when so many other people just walked past.

“Have you ever seen a body that was left in water for day? You’re way too pretty to turn into a pile of shit like that.”

A beat of silence passed between them before Eren burst into laughter. Soon, tears were streaming down Eren’s cheeks, his amusement too strong to contain and if he didn’t know better, he’d think Levi was blushing.

“What’s so fucking funny,” the man finally snapped, making Eren laugh a bit harder still.

It took him a few minutes to calm down but when he finally did, he flashed Levi a slightly embarrassed smile. “Sorry, but somehow... the fact the first time somebody would call me good looking would be in such a context... I don’t know, somehow it’s just really funny.”

Levi looked at him like he didn’t believe a word he had just said. “There’s no way nobody’s ever called you pretty or good looking before, you look like a fucking model.” His words sounded so serious, so honest, that Eren couldn’t help the fierce blush that erupted on his cheeks.

“What?” he squeaked, his eyes going so wide he feared they’d fall out of their sockets.

Levi’s frown only deepened at that, cocking his head to the side contemplatively. “Are you seriously telling me nobody’s said that to you before?”

“Yes!” Eren cried, barely suppressing the urge to cover his face in embarrassment,

He heard Levi chuckle then, just before the distinctive sound of someone sliding off the railing made Eren look up.

Levi glanced back at him, a smirk on his face, when he said, “Well, you’re obviously feeling better. I need to go now, but it was nice meeting you, Eren.”

Eren had to fight down a disappointed pout over the fact Levi was leaving. He wanted to ask him to stay just a little bit longer, or if he could see the man again. If there was any chance to talk more, at a later date. But he stopped himself; he didn’t have any right to keep him, after all. They were just two strangers, crossing ways by accident. But Levi made him feel so much better in just the small amount of time they had talked and Eren had so much fun and he had hoped...

Before Eren could say something back, a bitter goodbye, nice meeting you too, see you never, Levi took a step closer to him, reaching out to ruffle his hair. Frozen in place, Eren’s breathing stopped then, and he didn’t even realize want was happening when Levi’s lips pressed to his cheek.

“Call me, brat,” Levi whispered softly close to Eren’s ear, and Eren... Eren was still frozen.

Before he could process what had happened, before he could whip around to grab Levi’s hand, or even say anything, Levi was gone.

His eyes still wide, Levi’s words echoed in his head.

“Call me, brat.”

_Brat_.

Eren grabbed his Starbucks cup so fast he almost dropped it, turning it every which way, searching every inch of the surface. Finally, on the same side the scrawled nickname was, at the very bottom of the cup, he found a series of numbers and a note in a neat handwriting.

A wide, happy grin slowly appeared on Eren’s face as he quickly entered Levi’s number into his phone before taking a photo of the note and carefully saving it into both his phone memory and his external card.

_I’d really like to get to know you better, pretty face. Call me when you feel up to it. Levi_

**Author's Note:**

> Is it cheesy? Yes. Is it unrealistic? Also yes. Do I care? Not really.
> 
> It's been a while since I've written anything like this, almost forgot how therapeutic it is...


End file.
